Bear Mountain Bull

Day of Bliss—Lifetime of Bills???

 

Debunking wedding myths

Your wedding day is not - I repeat, not - “The one day where money is no object.” In one day, you can blow a lifetime of savings—or savings you don’t even have yet. All this in an effort to be a princess for a day, to pamper yourself as though a queen. It’s not worth it. Here’s a simple example: If you have, say, 5000 dollars to spend on your wedding (the amount isn’t really important, it’s the idea), would you rather have one day where you are the shining object of perfection, or say, two glorious weeks in Hawaii? No, you can’t have both. Or maybe you can before you start the wedding plans—but if you spend too much on the wedding, you could easily be downsizing or postponing your honeymoon, your first house or a new car. Worse, if you don’t have the money, you might borrow it to spend on your wedding and honeymoon and be paying off the debt for years. I guarantee you that what might be a “must have” before that one day will not feel like that two years later. Two years after the wedding, as you put yet another credit card payment in the mail, you’ll be wishing you hadn’t spent so much.

 

Weddings, just like anything else, have a price tag. When looking at the price tag, it should be compared, not just to a type of wedding, but to what else could I buy with this amount of money? I’m not suggesting that you forgo a wedding entirely, but think about how quickly one day evaporates. Your wedding day is going to be no different. In fact, it may go by in such a quick blur, you’ll have very little memory of it—with the exception of videos that are too sappy to actually sit and watch or pictures that make you cringe because the entire package cost more than a high-end camera.

 

There are so many choices for weddings today, so set some priorities and pick one or two things that are very important to you. Maybe the engagement ring is a big deal. If your spousal unit spent a small fortune on that, give up the tuxedos and patent leather shoes that will make him cranky. If a gorgeous, expensive cake is an absolute must, maybe you can do without the flower petals on all the tables.

 

Here are a few ideas that won’t steal from the day and won’t steal from your pocketbook either:

 

Cake: A flat sheet cake, like for birthday parties or fun occasions, can be decorated for a wedding at a fraction of the cost of a three (or more) tier wedding cake. Larger wedding parties almost always have flat cakes in the back for serving anyway—you can have several flat cakes with very little decoration from your favorite grocery store done for a reasonable price. Decorate one flat for the guests to ogle. Using flat sheets allows you to provide two or more flavors of cake also. You can serve chocolate and white! The benefit doesn’t stop there—because flat
sheets aren’t horribly expensive, you can order a similar cake ahead of time to make sure you like the baker!

 

Another idea: Cupcakes placed on a three-tier stand with artful decorations around the stand (such as fresh flowers)—look much like a wedding cake, but are a lot cheaper. There’s no cutting required and self-serving is easy.

 

For some reason, people get the idea that the quality of the cake is a reflection of the person—it isn’t. It’s still just cake. Avoid expensive “filled” cakes. Many people don’t like them and they are always more expensive. If a particularly expensive cake is an absolute must, consider serving it at the wedding rehearsal dinner. You’ll be able to have your cake, but not have to order as much as if you served it at the reception.

 

Photos: Whether or not you hire a photographer, make sure you have a couple of people with decent cameras following the photographer and taking pictures of the set poses. Sometimes, believe it or not, the professional photos don’t turn out!!! The other, perhaps more important benefit, is that your friends will give you the negatives. You can have multiple prints made of decent shots. Give these shots away rather than ordering large numbers from the professional photographer. In a frame, no one will know the difference.

 

Rather than hiring a professional to take video shots, have friends or family take video of the wedding. Very few professional videos are worth what you pay for them. Most people may only watch the video once, if at all. Keep that in mind when making decisions about spending money in this area.

 

Receptions: Small, small, small! If you want to invite more people, cut back on food, drinks or the place! Think of ways to offset expenses by decorating yourself, by picking a less exotic location for the reception, by making it a brunch or lunchtime affair. Consider postponing the reception until after the honeymoon—make it a get together at a friend’s house rather than a huge affair.

 

If you aren’t having a fancy reception, but worry about people feeling cheated, send out only announcements of the marriage rather than invitations. People are less likely to feel obligated to get you a gift if they receive only an announcement. They will also not expect to be fed or entertained for an evening. Announcements can be especially polite if you know of relatives that cannot travel to the wedding anyway. Send an announcement before the blessed event with a note that says they are welcome, but you don’t expect them to attend due to the expense and distance. Some relatives will appreciate the gesture, others may feel slighted so use with caution! Announcements can be printed on decent paper at an Office Max or Staples for a fairly reasonable price. You can also do it on your home computer if you’re willing to put the time into it. Include personal notes if necessary.

 

Food: People come to see you and to help you celebrate! Serving a full meal, whether buffet or sit-down, is expensive. It’s generally seen as a way to “thank” people for the expense involved in traveling to the wedding, for their friendship, for gifts and for the sharing of such an important experience! There are all kinds of ways to cut down on this expense without being “cheap.” Everyone has priorities. Some will insist on an open bar. Some insist on a sit down meal. But remember—the object is to allow you to spend time with your friends. Many of the people attending will not know the other people at the wedding. So sit down meals can be stuffy—and boring, especially if seating is pre-arranged and there is not a good way to mix people. Consider these alternatives:

 

Outdoor BBQ—with a friend doing the cooking or a professional depending on what you want to spend and serve. The outdoor and casual atmosphere allows people to mill around and have more freedom. The cost of food can be as expensive as sit down, but if you shop around, you’re likely to find that it doesn’t have to be. For large gatherings reserve a pavilion at a county or city park. There are also “ranches” or bed and breakfasts that specialize in renting their property for a weekend or an evening so that an outdoor reception can be held. BBQ can be prepared ahead of time (the smoked BBQ-type) or it can be a grill as you go affair. For those really watching their budget, get five or six friends to chip in and bring appetizers such as chips/dips, crockpot beans, potato chips and salads.

 

Appetizers only—for some catered or hotel receptions “appetizers only” can end up costing you almost as much as a buffet line. The appetizers will be decorative and tasty, but may not save much money. Again, the cheapest way is to provide your own. These can be professionally arranged—by grocery stores, which are much, much cheaper than caterers. Cheese, veggie, and fruit trays can all be had from your local grocery store for a fraction of the cost of hotel or caterer prices. Anything from finger sandwiches to meal sandwiches can be pre-ordered from groceries or local sandwich shops. You can mix and match from your favorite places! If your reception is a morning or lunchtime reception, the appetizer idea is even more popular—and you can include various pastries—croissants, bread with dips/chips, and cheese fondues in crockpots. Tiny cups of quiche (Sam’s Club actually sells these and they are very often served by caterers) are quickly warmed, but do require a warming plate to remain hot. Small, decorative desserts can be ordered from your local grocery store also or may be found in the frozen section of some grocery stores.

 

Chairs/Tables: If you are active in your church, but holding the reception elsewhere, you still may be able to rent the chairs/tables from your church. You likely will have to provide the transportation to/from for these items if you’re arranging it yourself. This is a critical item and one you want to make sure is handled responsibly!

 

Decorations: Most wedding reception places allow (or even require) that the wedding party do its own decorating the night before the wedding. You can provide your own decorations and little gifts at a fairly low cost. Check out a book or two from the library to get ideas for things you are willing to make yourself or for instructions on how to hang/arrange decorations professionally. Here’s a few quick ideas:

 

Look on the internet for wildflower seed packets—these packets contain wildflower seeds and a note encouraging the guest to take the package home to “share the occasion.” The packets can generally be found on the internet cheaply these days (try Ebay for a start). Other things that are easy to make: Floating candles: (Buy the little glass dish, add water and candle. Place a matchbook on the table so that people can light the candles.)

 

Flowers can be expensive and hard to arrange. If food is going to be served at the table avoid most flower arrangements. They will only crowd the surface. Flowers are also generally tall—this will mean that people trying to talk across the table will have to move the flowers or peer around them.

 

Bundled candies (Such as candy kisses, m&ms or mints). These are easy to make at home (Buy and cut several yards of netting material, place candy inside and tie with ribbon.) These items make cute little table gifts. If you don’t want to put too much time into it, consider small baskets that are filled with various candies. The baskets will serve as decorations for the tables and also provide the guests with mints or snacks.

 

Other decorations can be purchased ahead of time at a party store or a dollar store. Paper tablecloths are easy to dispose of, helping ease the cleanup! Streamers are inexpensive and can be used to decorate tables and ceilings. Again, this sort of thing can be time-consuming during a time when you’ll have a lot on your mind. Keep it to a minimum.

 

Disposable Cameras: I’m not a huge fan of this idea. The cameras themselves run between 5 and 10 dollars—and you’ll usually get stuck paying for development. This means that when cousin junior, who wasn’t even invited, gets his hands on the camera and takes twelve pictures of his toes…well, you get the idea. Most people bring their own cameras anyway. Ask a few relatives to take shots at the reception. Most are happy to contribute. Digital cameras are especially nice for this type of picture. If you end up with twelve pictures of junior’s toes…you just delete them! Whoever takes the pictures can email them to you or get with you to download them to your computer.

 

Wedding Rings / Engagement Rings: Okay ladies, I know you’re all thinking, “No way will this be where we save money!” Ah, but rings can be one of the most expensive items. Do you want to wear a rock or maybe go see the real Crown Jewels on a trip to London while you’re touring Europe? Many people don’t get diamonds at all these days—consider a simpler ring—perhaps an engraved wedding band or a ring with a stone other than a diamond. Just like with the wedding—think about other things you might want to own more than you want a ring. It’s nice to have one to show off, but a house or car down payment is a lot more practical and will go a lot further towards ensuring a happy, secure future.

 

Dress: Here we go again. I can hear the groans. “I’m getting the perfect dress. The dress I want! Money can’t be the issue here! I only get married once…” Protests aside, let’s hope your wedding isn’t your sole opportunity to look beautiful. Let’s hope there will be other dresses in your life when you get to look drop-dead gorgeous. No matter what dress you choose, you will be the object of attention for your day. You will be beautiful and you don’t necessarily have to spend a fortune. Shop around. Check Ebay for dresses that have never even been worn before. Go to close-out sales. Keep in mind when you are pricing the dress—wedding dresses are not made to fit off the rack. Count on spending another 100 dollars in fitting fees (or more.) Consider getting a nice dress that you can wear again—to anniversary events with your beloved, with the dress being a reminder of that day.

 

Bridesmaid dresses: Do your friends a huge favor. Consider avoiding wedding shops for dresses. Shop at department stores for nice gowns or dresses that are not necessarily tagged “bridesmaid dresses.” Think elegant, but usable for some other occasions. Shop with one or more of the bridesmaids (but never at the same time. Trust me on this.) Make sure you pick a dress that will be available in several sizes. Consider a nice professional looking suit for your bridesmaids. Remember, you are likely going to be asking them for a financial commitment here. A bridesmaid dress—no matter how beautiful, isn’t likely to be worn twice because it is impractical. Look at nicely tailored short dresses. Your bridesmaids will match and look perfect if you select a long skirt with a silk blouse. They might be able to wear the blouse, the skirt, or a sharp looking suit again. Trust me, your bridesmaids will be grateful.

 

For those that are even less picky, don’t pick a single style. Ask your bridesmaids to pick a dress of a certain color that will match your decorations (not an exact match, mind you. I’m not talking hand them a swatch and turn this into a treasure hunt from hell.). Most bridesmaids don’t end up looking good in the same style dress anyway. Some are tall, some short, some bosomy, some fat…let them get a dress they will be comfortable in. Let them spend an amount they are comfortable with.

 

Shoes: I’m not even going to address this. I have never understood women’s shoe fetishes. Most of my friends seem to have this irrational need to own at least a hundred pairs of shoes. For weddings, a popular “requirement” is to dye shoes made from fabric so that everyone’s shoes match. So do their blisters. Think about how many weddings you’ve attended where the bride and guests dance without their shoes…it’s largely because those fabric shoes have roughly the same flexibility as concrete. Let the bridesmaids pick their own shoes. Select the color and let it go at that. No one is going to notice if Ann has bad taste and she happens to wear a pair of shoes with a daisy the size of Texas on the top. Even if they do notice, it’ll give the guests something to talk about. As for the bride—get something comfortable. You’ll be on your feet all day. The shoes will usually be invisible under the dress anyway. There’s nothing worse than a beautiful bride gimping along at her own wedding.

 

Tuxedos: Guys have two questions concerning tuxedos. “Do I have to?” and “When can I take it off?” Let the guys wear suits. They are cheaper and they will be able to wear them again. It isn’t worth the extra expense and hassle of fittings, pickup/drop-off and the fight with your spouse’s Uncle James who insists his old blue high school tuxedo “still fits.” If you are very cost-conscious let the guys wear dress khakis with a white-button down. (Mention your fondness for ironed pants or most of the guys will show up wrinkled!) Nice black khakis—even nice black jeans—will look very presentable all lined up at the front of church.

 

Horses, carriages, golf courses, beaches, other exotic ideas: These all look good on paper. But horses (and other animals) aren’t all that good at following directions. They poop when and where they want. Loud noises may send you (and your carriage) into a ditch. Fido may walk up an aisle perfectly during practice. He might also chase after small children, a rabbit or butterflies when it’s time for the real show.

 

Country clubs & golf courses are lovely, serene landscapes. They are also expensive to rent. While they breathe a message of wealth and apparent happiness, consider having your wedding elsewhere. Then splurge on the honeymoon by staying at and playing Pebble Beach—or another dream course. Sure, staying there and playing once will cost you five or six hundred dollars—but that’s cheap compared to having a reception at a fancy golf course! It’s all relative. Do you want to do impress your friends…or maybe spread out the expense and enjoy yourself elsewhere?

 

Beaches have a lot of…sand. And dirt and splashing water. They are impractical for long, flowing white dresses. They are impractical for high heels or other fancy clothes. Sure, the sunset will be glorious. But maybe a small wedding elsewhere and then a nice trip to a beach with that beloved new spouse would be time and money better spent!

 

Summary:

Just because it is your wedding day, don’t pretend you can have it all. No one can (nor does no matter how much money they spend). Just because you’re getting married, it’s no excuse to throw out good, frugal principles. Spend on your wedding—under your means, not above it. It will then always remain a special occasion, rather than one fraught with worry. Instead of crying over the things you can’t afford and trying to have them anyway—enjoy one or two special things at your wedding—the dress, the honeymoon, maybe some other keepsake—be it champagne glasses or a cake knife. But don’t pick them all. If you have more wedding than you can afford, you pay for it for too long. Remember that life is full of dreams and a wedding is only one of them. Save some of your money for the other dreams.

 

Article contributed by MES