Bear Mountain Bull

Deadbeat Money Drain

You know you’re dating a deadbeat if… you go out to eat, and when the bill arrives, his excuses progress through:

1. He forgot his wallet.
2. He has his wallet, but he has no cash or credit cards.
3. Finally, he has his wallet and two withered dollars that don’t even cover the tip, but still doesn’t have any credit cards or an ATM card.

He’s an exceptional deadbeat if: he is the one that suggests going out to eat because “we have no life,” but then doesn’t pay.

You know you’re dating a deadbeat if… you are able to talk about how sweet and attentive he is because he hardly ever goes out with the guys. When he does, he often invites you along. On the times you actually go, somehow you end up paying for his beer. He’s an exceptional deadbeat if: you find that when you’ve been invited, he’s buying because it’s his turn, but he’s a little short on cash and hoping that as the cherished girlfriend, you’ll pitch in. Ladies, watch here for when he starts bragging about what a great job you have.

You know you’re dating a deadbeat if… his idea of conserving cash involves any of the following:

• He washes his sheets once a year because it costs too much to take them to the laundromat.
• He does his laundry at your house, his mother’s house…or doesn’t seem to do it at all.
• He offers to do the laundry, but asks you for quarters—for your laundry and for his.
• He comes over to your house to watch the game because his cable got cut off or he doesn’t have cable. Hint: He will want accolades for spending time with you since he came over to watch the game with you.
• He doesn’t get you a birthday present. (He’s an exceptional DB if he gets you a card and acts like this deserves some kind of huge positive reaction. He’s also an exceptional DB if he suggests that although he doesn’t have the money, the two of you really should go out to eat/movie/whatever to celebrate because you deserve it—you’re such a special gal. This suggestion is usually followed by apologies that you have to pay and hand wringing that he: 1) hasn’t been paid yet, 2) hasn’t found a job yet, 3) lost his job, 4) spent all that money on ____ and so is a “little short this month.”
• He moves in with you and rarely has money to pay his half of the rent. He’s an exceptional DB if he pretends that other bills such as electricity, phone, trash pickup, etc. don’t exist. He’s also an exceptional DB if he thought that by moving in with you, he’d avoid paying rent entirely.
• When going somewhere together he suggests that you “take your car” because he doesn’t have any gas. Even if your car isn’t full and you’ll have to stop, he still wants to take your car.
• He wants to join a gym to keep in shape, but finds out he can get the membership cheaper if you do it through your employer since they sponsor some sort of “stay healthy” discount. By showing your work ID it saves him ten dollars a month. Of course you have to go in with him. He suggests that to make it all look legit, “Let’s use your credit card…” He’s an exceptional deadbeat if, after determining that your credit card is to be used, he points out that longer memberships provide even more savings and “since we’re already here, why not pay for it up front. It’s easier than sending in a check each month.”

You know you’re dating a deadbeat if… he helps you try to improve your life with any of the following ideas:

• He suggests you need a new car—and his ideas for your car include: a Mustang, any kind of convertible, or any guy muscle car. He’s an exceptional DB if he insists on test driving the cars (because he’s a guy and knows much more about cars) and then helps the salesman pressure you.
• He suggests that you get a faster internet connection because he believes his internet gaming scores would be higher if he had faster internet. He’s beyond a DB if he is downloading porn or is stupid enough to complain about the slow speed with which your computer downloads porn.
• He wonders when you’re going to get a new: 1) stereo, 2) TV, or 3) computer, since your current stereo doesn’t have decent speakers/mixing/whatever, your TV isn’t big enough for optimal viewing of games and your computer isn’t fast enough for the computer games he is trying to play. He’s an exceptional DB if he tries to convince you that you need a new computer because it will help him search for a new job—when you both know it’s for the games.

You know you’re dating a deadbeat if…

• He cooks for you— as long as you buy the groceries. He’s an exceptional DB if he suggests that you lend him your credit card for grocery shopping. He’s nearer a thief if he suggests that you just add his name to your credit card account and get him “a card of his own.”
• He begins talking about marriage and includes statements about being a stay-at-home dad. He’s an exceptional DB if he manages to work in sentences that compliment you on what a great career woman you are and how he would never expect you to quit and stay home because, no siree, he’s not “that kind of guy.”
• He turns down jobs because “they don’t pay enough” or he’s better than some “minimum wage job” even though he has no job at the time.
• He doesn’t have a job, is home most of the day, yet will not attempt to fix any appliance that is on the fritz. He notices leaks, caulking or painting that needs to be done and complains heartily about the shoddy workmanship. His idea of helping may include his “bud” coming over and doing the work for a few beers and a pizza.
• He talks about looking for a job, but doesn’t actually do so.
• He thinks college education should be free, so he’s “not going to pay back those stupid student loans.”
• His idea of “investing” involves a motorcycle of any kind.

Date a deadbeat if you must, just don’t marry one — I sure didn’t. Remember, beauty is a fleeting thing. When the beauty fades, you’re left with…bills. A male friend of mine had a similar opinion once about men that date beautiful, but stupid, women. He always said, “I’ll take ugly over stupid any day.” Stupid never changes. Neither does a deadbeat.

Article contributed by MES